Carry on, again.

I haven't been on here since the miscarriage. (11 weeks ago)

I haven't been in a place to really express my emotions.
Okay, I guess I more so didn't have a grip on my emotions.

How does one deal with something so intangible?

I can't grasp the emotions.
I would 18 weeks pregnant today, 18 weeks.

I would be finding out the gender.
I would be making a registry of pink or blue.
I would be deciding on a name, Madison or Kyson.
I would be setting up the nursery to fit another little blessing.
One more miracle.

But my baby was just too beautiful for this Earth. God needed someone so beautiful by his side in Heaven. My baby is now an angel. There is no higher compliment.

Although I wished to sit my baby in my lap and teach them about the amazing God, maybe God can sit my baby in his lap and teach him about their Mom.

There's no better salt to the wound of miscarriage than a failed cycle of TTC. I wouldn't have to try if my baby wasn't taken away from me.

Two cycles in and I feel like I've lost hope. I won't give up.

I'll hold my angel in my heart and I will carry on, again.